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We will return as soon as the Republican Party finishes its temper tantrum and accepts that Obamacare is the law of the land.

Medicare payments to doctors and hospitals delayed.

BREAKING: Area woman can’t recall if the GOP has voted to repeal Obamacare 43 or 44 times.

National parks closed.

Smithsonian museums closed.

CSPAN realizes it’s actually been broadcasting reality TV.

Government loans to small businesses suspended.

Home mortgages take longer to approve.

BREAKING: Once thought extinct, Moderate Republicans sighted in U.S. Senate.

Furloughs for Department of Defense personnel.

Congress to hold hearings to investigate what the fox says.

Crucial medical research suspended.

Tea Party Rep. Steve King (R-IA) recalls he has a responsibility to keep the government running. Promptly forgets.

A small faction in one party in one chamber of Congress has thrown a wrench into the whole government. This isn’t checks and balances, it’s hostage taking.

Workplace safety inspections stop.

Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis enters 11th straight hour of laughing at Ted Cruz.

Delays in Social Security payments. New claims not processed.

America mulling breaking up with GOP via text message.

No new passport or visa applications.

FLASH FLOOD ALERT: Boehner, locked in Speaker’s office, currently listening to Lee Greenwood’s ‘Proud to Be an American’ on repeat.

Tax refunds delayed.

Conservatives in Congress forget what common sense feels like.

Delays in the court system.

Twitter user @horses_ebooks still considered less fake than Ted Cruz’s fillybuster.